Writer’s block

A horrific disease that commonly affects humans. It is often fatal.

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The Presentation

Human juveniles are often forced to participate in presentations for class that are judged by the teacher.

These usually fall into two categories:

  1. Dismal: Every presentation consists of one member of the group reading aloud from a scrap of paper in a slow mumble, pausing every now and then to ask their team-mates “What does that say?”
  2. Terrific for one: Most presentations are adequate but  one group of alpha humans will do a spectacular presentation involving complete with incredible videos, home-made refreshments, fireworks and a trained orangutan.

The Vain Girl

This species loves to preen.

Many spend up to three hours getting their hair right.

For VGs with straight hair they must spend as much time as possible getting it nice and wavy, for wavy or curly-haired VGs straightening their hair is a must. Of course all this time spent indoors fixing their hair means that VG’s skin is not very protective against the sun, to combat this they always cover their faces with a thin protective layer of foundation despite the fact that they already have good complexion as they are juveniles.

VGs communicate by sending morse code messages in the mirrors that they constantly gaze into and by insulting other species.

If a VG is ever seen without its hair done and with no makeup or mirror its herd will no longer recognise it as one of their own, they will instead see it as a prey species and will attack it. Because of the difficulty that lies in fitting in with the herd all VGs are prepared for this eventuality. They always wear their skirts incredibly high up to free their legs for a quick getaway and wear earrings for use as weapons at close range.

The matchmaker

(There are two types of human named the matchmaker (though one is largely extinct.) , however the one I am to talk about is the one who tries to get people to fall in love NOT the one who works in a factory in Victorian England before dying of phossy jaw (the phosphorus in the matches would get in their teeth and their jaw would rot. Interbreeding with normal human males that lived near the match factory  and made false teeth was largely the cause of this species extinction.) )The matchmaker has evolved primarily to continue the species as all creatures have. However the matchmaker, instead of the usual method, will seek to continue the species by finding people of their gender who are not currently in a relationship and trying to force them into one.

They work by singling out one member of the pack and herding them away from the others at which point they will point to the nearest member of the opposite gender and say “He likes you, do you like him? Do you think he’s fit? Do you want to ask him out?”

The prey will shrug as the member of the opposite gender (henceforth to be known as a MOTOG) is in earshot, denying that he was involved in this in any way. The matchmaker will take this as an expression of deep passionate love.

The hunting cry of a matchmaker is very distinct, and sounds something like this “X loves Y! X loves Y!” This immediately alerts every nearby pack within a 20 mile radius to come over and tease and annoy the victim so as to discourage the birth of pack members that may cause them to lose their place in the hierarchy.

Foraging

Humans, at this time of year will quite often rob rabbits nests to feast on the eggs within. The adults are usually very adept at finding these treats and horde them, hiding them around their territory.

This means that the offspring, to get their share, must team up and raid the adult’s hiding places.

Migration

The pack have just returned from their spring migration. The highlands of Scotland have a lot of food available at this time of year, and many packs journey to prey on wild haggis and shortbread. Unfortunatley such species are now becoming exctinct due to habitat loss and pollution.

Venturing out

The pack have begun venturinvg out into the world, the alpha male and female are taking it in turns to go out on long treks from morning to evening, one goes out the other stays home with the juveniles. The juveniles are often also taken out on less long journeys, though for now they always return to the nest, but I belive this is the second stage of preparation for their migration and it will not be long now.

The juvenile return to the pack

The juveniles and infants of the pack have significantly changed their behaviour as is normal at this time of year. They have gone from leaving the nest from 8 until 3 (approx.) every day to spending the majority of their time in the home territory. This has resulted in a form of semi hibernation as the juveniles are now spending approximately 25 hours per day on electronic devices. It is belived that these behavioural patterns have evolved to prepare the group for its annual migration northwards.

Image

An average juvenile of the speciews at 4pm.

The rest means the younger members of the pack will be energised for the long journey to Scotland. They will stay there for a week (approx.) before making the trip back to their old territory.

Another theory is the idea that the recent event of the spring equinox means that the days are slowly but surely getting longer, meaning the young will have to spend more time awake. This results in a sort of jet lag that causes their bodies to try and balance it out by spending the day occupied by less active amusements.

Yet another (more unlikely) theory is that the young upon beginning to spend more time with the pack have discovered the adults are often busy and have therefore decided to kick back and take it easy for a much deserved rest.

The latter is considered ridiculous by most experts in the field.